Dad Was Still Here - But We Couldn't Help Him
- Stella
- 1 day ago
- 2 min read
Dad wasn’t himself and things were starting to slip, so we stepped in more.
We checked in, picked things up for him, tried to stay on top of anything that looked like it might become a problem.
It didn’t feel dramatic. Just helping.
The first sign something was off was small. A letter left unopened.
Then another. A bank issue that should have been easy to sort, but wasn’t.
So we went to deal with it.
We sat down, explained who we were and what was going on. We expected it to be straightforward. Instead, we were told they couldn’t speak to us about his account.
It wasn’t said harshly. It was just... the rule.
We tried again somewhere else and got the same answer. That’s when someone finally said it properly: we needed an Enduring Power of Attorney.
Up until that point, it had never really come up. Not when things were fine, and not when they first started to change. It was one of those things you assume you’ll deal with if you ever need to.
What we didn’t realise is that here, it has to be set up before things go too far.
It has to be done while the person still understands what they’re signing. And if that point has passed, you’re into a different system altogether - one that involves applications for ‘controllership’, medical evidence, and waiting.
We hadn’t ignored it. We just didn’t know it was something we needed to act on early.
After that, everything became more complicated than it should have been. Simple things took longer, and some things couldn’t be done at all without going further down that road.
All while we were trying to look after him.
There’s an assumption that family can step in when it matters. That if something goes wrong, you’ll just handle it.
In reality, it doesn’t always work like that.
No one had clearly explained how it works here, and we didn’t know what to ask.
And that’s the part that sticks.
He was still here. We were right there with him.
But when it came to the things that actually needed to be sorted, we weren’t allowed to do them.
The 22nd April is the first UK wide Power of Attorney Day run by Carers UK. It is crucial to note that Northern Ireland is different to England, Scotland and Wales when it comes to Power of Attorney. Please watch the short video below to learn the differences. The information on this site and our videos is not a replacement for legal advice, but simply a way to help you begin thinking about this.
IMPORTANT - ENDURING POWER OF ATTORNEY NEEDS TO BE COMPLETED WHILE THEY STILL HAVE MENTAL CAPACITY
Comments